L'amour pour la mort
by Cadoan
Summary: Zelos is gone, and Lloyd is trying to survive. But how will he do it when he can't do anything but visit his lover's grave? Zelloyd. Oneshot M to be safe.


This a old fic I've decided to put up.

This isn't BETA'd, and English isn't my native tongue, so I apologize for the errors that might occur.

--°--°--

Blood. Blood everywhere.

Blood on the swords that clattered to the floor, blood on my hands, blood, blood, blood.

Oh my god, he was bleeding.

Laying on the ground, _oh my god, _bleeding.

How can a person bleed so much?

Oh my god, Zelos, why did you bleed so much?

--°--°--

_"My name is Zelos. Zelos Wilder."_

--°--°--

It was so silent. The forest was silent, only the soothing rustle of leaves was heard.

It was late in the day, still the sun was shining brightly.

The sunrays broke through the treetops, falling into the small glade.

The white grave shone, a withered flower laying on top of it.

But it was silent.

--°--°--

_"I'm simply siding with the strongest. I never trusted you, 'cause you never trusted me. And why should you? I turned out to be a traitor anyway."_

--°--°--

_Smirk._

He had smirked.

But not the smirk I had seen so many times when he fell and unproper comment, nor the suggestive smirk he gave when he thought of something naughty. Not the smirk that made my knees weak.

I had never seen him smirk like that before.

It had been mocking, it had been evil, it had been traitorous.

I couldn't believe that he was smirking like that.

Not my Zelos, not at us.

But maybe, somewhere deep down, I had known the thruth all along?

I could see your pain, the one you hid below the surface. You opened up to me, my angel.

I know that you were in pain, but I couldn't see what was causing it. Still, you seemed happy sometimes.

I though I made you happy.

At least a little bit.

I thought we shared something, but maybe that was that a lie as well?

Zelos, were you and I a lie?

Just as everything else.

Did you lie about us?

--°--°--

The silence was broken. Steps was heard, slow steps coming closer.

A person came into the glade, stopping for a moment to watch.

Not even the rustling of leaves was heard anymore. It was as like time had stopped to watch as well, remembering the times that had already gone and passed.

The grave was so white, so beautiful, so pure.

Just as the person that rested there.

The person made a little sounds and staggered a bit to the right and leaned against a tree to stay on his feet.

It was so painful. Even this person could feel pain, more lately than ever.

This world was fine, but he would never be.

--°--°--

Zelos, I was so young.

I'm still young, but I have grown.

I grew so much on our journey.

All I had ever known was the life in Iselia. You made me see so much.

The life of an aristocrat. How it felt to be hated, chased, famous and respected.

I knew so little, I see that now.

Nothing will ever be perfect.

I'm not perfect, you weren't perfect.

This world will never be perfect.

In a perfect world, everyone is happy. There is no sadness, there is no death.

Without you, I can't be happy.

And you're not here.

I just wish that our time together had been a little more, a little longer.

Forever.

'We' could have been 'us' forever.

--°--°--

_"'Cause we're best friends, right?"_

--°--°--

He hadn't gone near the grave yet. He wasn't in a hurry, he had no time to catch.

But at the same time, he knew that the longer he'd be there, the harder it would get.

He would die a little more.

--°--°--

When you came into my life, I was just a child. I know that is something I never would say, but then, I'm not the same person I used to be back then.

You changed me, Zelos Wilder.

I always thought of you as my angel, and then turn out to be one for real.

You came and saved my soul, purified me.

With those touches, those kisses, I surrended to you.

I needed you, and you needed me.

You needed the naïve, Sylvarant boy Lloyd Irwing, I needed the cocky Tethe'Allan Zelos Wilder.

--°--°--

The sun hadn't moved much. But the person didn't notice.

He had recomposed himself, the sharpest pain subsided.

He got up, slowly, and walked towards the grave. He stood in front of it, drew his gloved hand through his brown hair, holding his feeling back.

The leather outfit knirred when he bent down and picked out the withered flower, replacing it with a new one.

He pressed the flower to his chest, the tears blurring his eyes.

"Oh, Zelos..."

So choked, so pained.

The white grave shone just as much when glittering tears fell upon it.

--°--°--

Zelos, why aren't you here?

I didn't know you felt so... useless.

That you were so tired of these worlds.

Why?

You took my first kiss, my first love, my virginity.

But I don't blame you. I will never blame you, I never could.

It was my fault, my fault for falling.

I have to believe that you felt the same for me.

Zelos did you?

I have to believe.

--°--°--

This person sat next to the grave.

It was the best and worst thing he knew.

His other felt so close, almost as he was physically there.

Long, red strands fell like a curtain around his face, soft lips pressed against his, hands roaming his body.

But ever so often, when he was out of faith, he felt blood drip off his hands, guilt eating him from the inside. He didn't see his lover's face smiling, not relaxed in sleep, not shining with lust.

That beautiful face was twisted in pain, cold and dead.

He knew he didn't get better.

He looked at the grave. It was plain, in a forgotten place.

Nothing that anyone excepted a Chosen's grave to be.

A simlpe stone, formed as a block, about a meter high. Nothing special, just like he would've wanted it.

A pair of wings were carved into the stone, along with the person's name.

_Zelos Wilder_

_Chosen Of Tethe'Alla_

_Beloved friend, hated enemy, respected fighter._

--°--°--

_"Loyd?"_

_"Mmm..?"_

_"Can I kiss you?"_

_"Whuh?"_

_Finger's under chin, tipping upwards, blue staring at brown._

_"I said... can I kiss you?"_

_A content little sound and a small nod, then lips tenderly covered his._

--°--°--

"Zelos, I'm dieing."

Another day, another flower.

Thinner, paler.

"I'm dieing wothout you. I can't keep doing this. I can't keep coming here."

Brown eyes caressed the stone, reaching out. But he stopped himself, pulling off his glove. He felt warmth slither around his hand. At least he thought so.

He had to believe that.

--°--°--

Do you remember what you used to tell me? That this was a dream you never wanted to wake up from.

You told me that and snuggled your nose into my neck.

You hair cascaded around us, so beautfiul.

You said that, nuzzled my neck and my slid my hands down your naked sides, smiling.

Hoping the dream would slowly fade into reality.

--°--°--

"Why did you do it?! Why?!"

He was still coming back. Every day, every week, every month. Sometimes he screamed, sometimes he cried, sometimes he begged.

Scream for him to come back.

Cry for him to not go.

Beg for another day, another hour, another minute.

"Why didn't you ask me? Why didn't you tell me? Zelos, why?"

--°--°--

_"Zelos?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Do... do you like me?"_

_"Of course I do!"_

_"No, I mean... like like me."_

_"I like like you."_

--°--°--

Two graves.

The same white grave, but another one to the right.

It had the same color and was just as simple.

But instead of two wings sported two crossed swords.

_Lloyd Irwing_

_The saviour of the worlds_

_We will always miss him_

--°--°--

_Zelos slowly withdrew from the brunett's mouth, giving him a questing look._

_"You okay?"_

_Lloyd nodded and let his hands settle on the other's neck._

_"Yeah... I was a bit surprised."_

_The redhead smiled before leaning in again, now meeting parted lips. Their tongues shyly met and their lips attached._

_The kiss might've been innocent, but they both ran out of breath. The brunett smiled and rested his head against the redhead's._

_Then, Zelos laughed._

_--°--°--_

_Zelos Wilder and Lloyd Irwing forever._


End file.
